Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: EFT
What is EFT?
EFT helps to change the unpleasant negative feelings we are having with our partner, to healthy enjoyable feelings that make us want to be close to each other. It rebuilds trust, openness, love and respect together, so you can turn towards each other both in moments of happiness and contentment and in times of stress and vulnerability. Rebuilding this foundation together recreates a safe and secure bond that you can continue to grow and develop over the years.
How does it work?
The EFT process has three stages. The first stage involves building awareness of a cycle of negative interaction and learning to stop the unhelpful responses and remain calm, so the cycle doesn't take over. Generally it takes just a few sessions to begin to experience a difference together. As the negative cycle calms more and more, we work through deeper feelings, beliefs and experiences. Safety and trust increase and a positive interaction cycle is developing. The therapy then moves into the second stage where this positive cycle develops more and strengthens. In this stage you express your needs and have them met with acceptance and care by your partner, whilst your therapist supports you both in the process. The final stage really solidifies the new positive interaction pattern.
Watch the video
Check out the animation on this page 'Taming the Cycle' by Sharon Mead in the US sharonmead.com. This shows how EFT works and how it relates to your relationship. (If you're reading this on a phone, it's at the bottom of this page.)
How well does it work?
Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements. It has been shown to be effective with different types of couples and cultures.
What if I'm not so good at feelings?
Can we have EFT therapy?
EFT therapy is suitable for a wide range of couples. This includes new relationships where partners are wanting to solidify their bond and work through early areas of conflict, or older relationships where the negative cycle is well established. EFT has specific and effective processes for dealing with relationship betrayals such as affairs. EFT is also effective for same sex couples and retains its effectiveness across different cultures.
How much does it cost?
$150 per session (75-90min)
Where can I find out more?
From the EFT NZ website
From the international EFT website
Website of the EFT creator
Note these last two are the same book but just have different titles.
All three books are in the Nelson Public Libraries, and Hold Me Tight in the Tasman District Libraries.